what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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