I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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