Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize