I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize