i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
