i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
