Welp...herpes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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