There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
