The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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