I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
