if only i could text you this smell
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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