we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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