Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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