he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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