Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
