every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
