he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
God, I missed his penis.
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