If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
