It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A+ Viking dick
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