i think my tv is drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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