just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
