just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
