you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
