They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
