So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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