A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
