Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
