I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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