office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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