you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
