Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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