Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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