You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
