Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
