No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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