Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
