He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
