I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
