dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
