new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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