So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
