I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
