I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
