Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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