you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
