i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
