did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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