new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
