He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
