my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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