Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
