soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
