imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
