how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize