Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize