He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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