I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
