and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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