She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
