9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
