I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
