So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
