I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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