I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
