Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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