This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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