I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
